It’s a very powerful thing when someone sees you as the person you wish you were.
I honestly don’t know how I’m going to lose 40 pounds.
I also can’t believe how far back I’ve gone.
I weighed myself today for the first time in months.
It wasn’t good.
I only did it because I felt like for the last month I’ve been doing pretty well. Riding my bike every day, limited my drinking quite a bit, eating the amount I should be.
It was still really bad.
I am on my period today, which could be adding a few pounds, but nothing significant.
I lost 136 pounds before, but it all started with diets that I don’t ever want to get back on. I honestly just don’t know how I’m going to lost 40 pounds now that I’m at this point.
When I sit on his lap and look in the mirror I’m so disgusted. I see cellulite and huge thighs and blemishes and fat. And I say stupid things instead of just being confident and rocking it, and his face is just so heartbreaking.
I think he’s most disgusted with the way I see myself. He hates that I hate myself but I don’t know how to stop.