I’m sorry I went away.
Between the move, and school starting again and working a lot I just haven’t been able to be as active on tumblr as I like.
I also need to do a little revamping because I think I started to just come on here and get sad instead of motivated.
I’m doing well though. Lost ten pounds since the move, have my 5k in october which I’m not entirely ready for but we will see.
I hope you all are doing well.
I really love when my sister comes to visit. She’s one of my best friends and the only girl I can be myself around.
But in the same note, I’m once again back to feeling so inferior. Because she’s e strength athlete and strong and thinner than me again and has a perfect body and doesn’t drink or indulge or anything that u like to do when we visit. I realize even more how I’ve just become the fat lazy blob of a sister again and she’s so much better than me in every way and the worst part is that I know that she feels that way too. We were never close when I was at my smallest. Because there’s always been that extreme jealousy between us. Even though I’m the younger sister and I should be smaller, it’s just never worked out that way.
I’m just so uncomfortable and sad that I’m fat again, and that I obviously lack the motivation to make myself better.
I spent the entire night not being able to sleep because of one stupid comment about another woman. I laid on the couch wondering how I’ll EVER lose enough weight to not feel so awful about men’s affinity for impossibly small/skinny/attractive women.
I can feel myself slipping back into the thoughts I had when I was dating shane, and it feels so bad. I just want to feel like I’m not constantly in danger of being left for a better version of me.